CHEAP, Freebie, give-away condoms are bad for you. Just say no.

I come from the Nancy Reagan, "Just say no to drugs" era. A lot of what I saw as a kid in the media (including the very annoying WE NEED MORE CALGON!! ancient Chinese secret ad) had a powerful effect on me--so congratulations, Nancy, ya done good. It is just a terrible shame that you used to beat your good for nothing daughter Patti Davis, and shun your gay son, what's his name...I forget.

NBC must have been in Ron and Nancy and Bob Hope's hip pocket, because they used to make commercials featuring all the TV stars singing an annoying jingle about "the choice is up to you, when you're making up your own mind, being yourself...being yourself...you can say no, and you won't be alone...being yourself." (Sarah Purcell and Skip Stephenson were NOT singers. Ditto for Shari Belafonte Harper, Pink Lady AND Jeff Altman.

So yeah, as a result of all this education, I always use condoms, and just say no to drugs. Except for marijuana, which is an herb, not a drug.

Lots of gay bars and clubs provide gratis condoms for their clientele, and that's admirable because it encourages safer sex, but I gotta caution you about the dangers of cheap love and free latex. These el-cheapo/giveaway condoms are probably manufactured in the Michelin Tire Man's basement by the guy who invented the Epilady, and they should come with a warning. They may function properly to protect you against AIDS, but the sensation they create is a bit, uh, CHALKY.

Not to mention the social stigma attached to using cheap K-mart condoms. I bet you any money the guys who use freebie jimmies don't tip their waiters and waitresses very well either, and we all know that frugal equals UGLY. As evidenced by the guy I had sex with four minutes ago.

I'm an advocate of both style and safety, so my advice would be to pony up some cash for the good condoms or risk anal abrasions from the worst kind. Trying to apply Calamine lotion or a soothing compress to your back door is a little tricky. Don't say I didn't warn ya.