Liev the Liar

I allowed my friend Irene to set me up on a date. Liev was supposedly 35, hot, a former musician, classically trained baritone who had recently transitioned into a successful career as music supervisor. He even had stylish eyeglasses, the whole 9 inches, so to speak. And his name was Liev--that's hot. The only thing that concerned me was the fact that he was the seeking-a-serious-relationship type. Despite this, and despite the fact that he lived in WeHo, I trusted the recommendation of my friend, but I'm not entirely sure why. Two telephone conversations later, I sat in Cheebo on Sunset, waiting for Liev to arrive for our scheduled date. While I waited, I marvelled at the opportunities that were opening up for me in LA now that I've really begun to put myself out there.

Liev was very handsome. He spoke German. He had studied music in Berlin years ago. His eyeglasses were indeed hot. Dinner went well. We shared a bottle of wine. Cheebo makes an excellent baked goat cheese salad, and they serve you potato chips instead of bread when you first arrive. They also dress their tables with sheets of white paper in lieu of table linens and provide crayons, which makes Hollywood feel hip. I always partake in the fun, but tonight I decided to save my usual "I LOVE DONNA MILLS" graffiti for perhaps a second date, since I wanted to make a good impression.

He too, wanted to make a good impression, it would seem, because in the conversation between clearing the dinner dishes and eating the dessert that we never ordered, he aged 5 years and never technically graduated from a Conservatory in Berlin. I politely told him that little white lies make me skeptical. Then I asked him what else he has since lied about. Even though these may seemed like no big deal to Liev, they added up to make him look like a total loser and left me feeling really miffed, tricked, and a little violated. He was hot enough that he didn't have to lie.

I told him that guys searching for LTRs should try to be 100% honest, since that's the foundation of a solid relationship. I guess this made him see red, because before he knew what he had done, he had splashed his drink and icecubes into my face. Yes. He threw a drink into my face. Midori does burn tender mucous membranes and it will stain clothing. TO BE CONTINUED