Am I a Social Tampon?

Tonight, as I was mopping up the jizzm off the front of my dishwasher, (don't ask) the Kew Gardens dude tells me that I shouldn't smoke pot every day, and I that I should go out and look for a job, since I didn't get either of those pilots I was up for this season, and my commercial was just yanked.

I told him that the winter made me very sad and that he shouldn't try to search for deeper meaning in the phrase, "I love you" which I yelled while making the mess on the front of the dishwasher. I told him that the love I felt for him is real, but it doesn't come with any kind of baggage and stupid gay shit, since I’ve only been sleeping with him for a year or two. He told me that I was making him uncomfortable, and rambled on with a lot of other blather, expertly weaving this term, Social Tampon in the midst. Now I have no idea what a Social Tampon is, only a vaginal one, so it confused me. But I had the good sense enough to be insulted.

I am fiercely independent and enjoy spending time by myself. None of that changes when I fall in love with someone even if that love only lasts for a few weeks, or a year. Can't a guy just love another guy and be done with it? Who am I supposed to love? I can’t love the people I sleep with? Why not? Gay guys have to spazz out because they equate ‘love’ with dating, and the thoughts of going out on a specific date with one guy frightens 85% of the gay population in Manhattan. Maybe gay guys are just bad at love because they're all too busy fighting for equal rights to marry one another. The dynamics of a sacred bond between two men are different than the sanctifying purity of heterosexual marriage, and they always will be. When two guys pair off, nobody should assume the role of NAGGING wife.