NY Style Pizza and WeHo Style Masculinity

New York Style Pizza in LA is never going to be a reality, and that’s OK. Today, after eating a slice of Mulberry Street Pizza, I went to Ralph’s to buy some produce. As I was waiting to pay, I fell into a conversation with a 38 year-old guy who was behind me in the express lane. He was really entertaining, had a nice smile, and he told me his name was Michael. Even though he spells it Mykle, it is pronounced Michael. He fell all over himself to welcome me to town once he found out I was from NY. This wasn’t the first time I had gotten automatic respect in LA just because I was a New Yorker, but it somehow made me happy.

He told me that people from New York are down to earth and real, as opposed to people who live in West Hollywood. Fearful of getting trapped in the jargon of his victimless real estate marketing ploy, I told him that we needed to define ‘down to earth and real.’ He said that he hated the bitter queens who lived in West Hollywood, vowing he was not like that. “Not like what?” I joked. He claimed that he was masculine and str8 acting, not like ‘the rest of those Weho Queens.’ Now he was totally adorable, but he was trying to sell me on a complete misnomer. He was for all intents and purposes, a gigantic sissy. “It is just a zipcode, I’m not into the bars or the gay lifestyle at all.”

Anytime any man tries to assert his masculinity in casual conversation no matter where he lives, it gives me pause, but it made absolutely no sense to me that this guy (an unusually musclebound man with frosted hair in full Abercrombie and Fitch regalia) was trying to convince me that he was not at all influenced by his surroundings.

Let’s review: WeHo is quite possibly the Gayest Zipcode on the planet Earth, and that’s OK. Most people who live there are gay, and it usually means they look and act like gay guys, and that’s Ok too! They’ll never be str8 acting because they’re not str8, and that’s OK. I wondered why Mykle couldn’t just enjoy his gayness and forget about exteriors, but I know all too well how difficult it is to overcome a negative upbringing. I was raised by a contumelious Dad who yelled at me whenever I didn’t act like a man, so I am acutely aware of the “masculine panic.” None of us is immune.

But what about pizza in LA? Pizza in Los Angeles is prepared on a completely different altitude than the pizza in NYC. Chemistry on the West Coast causes dough to rise differently, and the final product is just different. It isn't possible for LA to offer NY style Pizza, so they shouldn’t even try. Perhaps with a little bit of thought, LA could invent something even more extraordinary than NY Pizza, but that will never happen if they’re too busy pretending to be something they’re not. LA Style Pizza is leathery, and for now, I must accept that and enjoy it.