In God We Trust

Some of us may not practice a religion, but we can still fall into an ubiquitous, middle class, pedestrian, non-sustainable way of thinking, invented here in the USA. Here, we print IN GOD WE TRUST on our money, and DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF on bumper stickers and tea bags. Nobody pays attention to either, but empty platitudes are what help us sleep at night.

There's middle class divorce, a middle class re-marriage, a middle class pension and middle class death, and middle class burial in an affordable coffin in a non denominational cemetary, just in CASE the myth of God really does exist, and just in case your obedience to his sandals makes him happy enough to reward you once you die. Marijuana is bad, but Wellbutrin, Massengil, and Viagra can stay.

God in heaven is mighty, and the obedient men live on Earth! A CEO in a corner office who can fuck millions of people in the ass bareback, will escape with a well-timed severance, and subsequent relocation to Capri. Lowly corporate minions toil below, rewarded with a 50 cent raise each July, and a dwindling Christmas Bonus.

Addicted to religion instead of facts, the USA co-opted Christmas around the same time Madelyn Murray O'Hare was found buried alive. This new international adaptation of the Happy December Holidays now includes all forms of worship at TARGET: Kwaanza, Hanukkah and Christmas. Catholic, Hindu, Atheist, Jain, Buddhist, Baptist or Jew. Each one brims with superstition and science fiction.

"Those altar boys must have been lying! Come now, the Pope is infallable!" "I will be ready to marry by 32, fatter than a house by 42 and out of debt by 50, just in time for Lipitor and a 3way by-pass." "Circumcize my dirty little boy babies!" "I love Walmart because it is cheap and I buy lots of shit made by slaves who have absolutely none of my regards except that their blood, sweat, and tears keep my cellulite covered on cold winter nights where I set my thermostat below 60 so that I can lower my gas bills in support of the War on Terrorism, shown on the news each night, well edited, by Disney." "FREEDOM IS NOT FREE!" (Although it it can be made Fat Free for those with dietary restrictions.)

Americans invented an endless vaccuum of conformity and self-loathing from which, an entire Planet symbiotically operates. In God we trust now extends to the Universe. Now we're forced to pretend we're Canadian, should we ever wish to travel abroad without getting spat on.