Shameless and Blameless

I knew it was inevitable that I'd shave off all of my body hair for the sake of my craft. Today, well over half of America trims their bushes with total impunity, and without compunction. The masses have yet to realize the oddity of the mysterious topiary where the sun don't shine.

Today in my world, I was rejected by a photographer because I have a hairy body. What a confusing paradox, because I know I'm sexy. But, this being Hollywood, I came back after a lunchtime shave, all perfect for his book of underwear models. That's Hollywood for ya, baby. The assistant's help with shaving all the hard to reach places was great, and he seemed very satisfied, but most of that day made my head spin. Because I wanted the money and I'm not super hairy, I survived the 2 day agony of regrowth stubble. Until today, however, my ego was wounded. The United States is really getting me down. All of our intellectual powers are being squandered by a bunch of rubes. Where can I turn for comfort when all I see are smooth crotches everywhere?

Well over half the gay (and the 4 straight) guys I've slept with in this town so far all do the SAME THING to their body hair. A severly sculpted triangular thatch of hair above the penis has become the norm. Is this a salon job? I read in a magazine that many men even shave armpits because their wives prefer it. The plucked and frosted emasculated man is being eroticized in the gay and straight media everywhere you turn. Day after day, testicles across America are being compromised with shaving implements that cut dangerously too close to the true essence of a man. In tandem with other mixed messages we receive from the straight community, a lot of gay guys suppose their body hair is a distraction, and they remove it, but mammals should know better.

Why rid the manly physique of something so intrinsically male? A lot of gay guys have the tendency to follow the pack in order to gain acceptance. Add to that the mass disapproval America has for body hair, and the hairy man is mocked, chided, and disgarded like a worn out Gino Vanelli record.

Things won't be the same for me until I get my furry pelts back, and that might take a couple weeks.