I am a Seagull. No. That's not it.

Some people choose acting so that they can bask in the glory of an adoring audience and screaming crowd. Some, like myself, still try to honor the commitments we've made to our higher calling. Whichever reason one chooses, the actual pursuit of this lifestyle is one that regular people who don't live in LA or NY can't ever fantasize about. Few people have any idea what difficult means, but I may have found out this evening. It seems that my little game of Eenie Meenie Miney Mo to decide which bill to pay has finally caught up with me and my electricity has been turned off until tomorrow morning.

It takes money to make money and somewhere along the line people like Melanie Griffith and Nicole Kidman just got lucky and never had to worry about phone bills. America's Celebrities are not honored for their talents. They are honored for the money they have, and the outrageous lifestyle they can present to the media, all of which will ensure their next movie will be well attended. The only way to get on TV is to be on TV, so to speak.

Or do a lot of drugs. 80% of my reality is substance induced. In my conversations with casting agents, directors, my landlady to my doctor, one party on either side of the communique is almost always stoned, and most of the time, it is not me. The term "miscommunication" has been created to excuse away most of the non-fatal problems this druge useage creates, but again, this is a reality that most regular people cannot fathom.

Careless people come to Los Angeles and bring all of their demons and all of their angst. From a boring and depressed American existence, they assimilate into a brainless, insipid vaccuum where they work towards finding relevance in the slightest of happenstance in order to make TV Movies about it. Some carry handguns. Some drive recklessly. None of them are particularly kind to strangers they encounter on the street or at the dinner table. I am a Seagull. No. That's not it.